To say that I was devastated was probably an understatement. If I had been hung and quartered, I would have found that a zillion times more pleasant than the excruciating pain that splintered my body that morning. I thought I had experienced pain before, but this was something else altogether. I clung to the railing of the stairs, sapped and weak, as I gazed below at the spot where they had been standing just minutes before, just in front of the library. Entangled in a lip-locked, obscene embrace. Nikita and Sunny. My room-mate and my guy.
Make that My Guy – that was how I had always thought of Sunny. His closely cropped thick hair, his wide smile, his loping walk – just thinking of him made me feel warm inside. I could feel his presence when he entered a room, just as I could feel his absence in a place without him. Like my room. The lonely hours when I looked into the mirror, and saw a tall, thin, gawky stranger, slightly hunched and bespectacled, almost fading away into nothingness. I was probably the dots of the flower stem on the wallpaper as far as Sunny was concerned -- he didn’t know that I existed. Funny, isn’t it, how someone who is not even aware of you becomes the center of your existence. You are merely the unseen dust particles being tossed hither and thither in the wind to someone who is the sun of your life. You savour every brief moment of pleasure that is offered by a glimpse, a voice, a crossing of paths, an inadvertent brush – and count them every cold night like a miser hoarding his gold. Ah! The hollow pleasures of unrequited love! And now he had betrayed me, snatched away even the little hope that flickered bravely in a corner of my heart.
With Nikita. Nikita, my room-mate. The enigmatic one. When I had first moved in with her, I was secretly relieved that she seemed to be my type. Not too flashy, not too sexy, sensible and quiet. And then I learnt how first impressions could be so wrong. She was a guy-magnet. I could not see what guys saw in her, but they flocked to her. Bending over backwards to please her. Dropping her, picking her up, driving to wherever she wanted to dine or dance or shop or simply hang out. Guys hung onto every word she said, worshipped the ground beneath her feet, and revered the air she breathed. And when she dumped them, they were mere shadows of themselves – haggard and worn out, bleary-eyed and drunk. She didn’t seem to notice or care.
I couldn’t say I knew Nikita all that well. I barely saw her – she always came in late at night, when I was asleep, and would be sleeping peacefully when I left for class. Sometimes, when I woke up in the night, disturbed by the rustling, I listened to her changing into her night clothes, washing and cleansing her face, brushing her teeth, and fluffing her bed covers before going to sleep. She was meticulous about her nightly routine, just like everything else about her. Her part of the room was always spotless - clothes neatly folded, books neatly arranged, make up and accessories neatly categorized and boxed. She seemed so normal, yet there was something quite different about her. She didn’t misbehave with me, but somehow succeeded in making me feel even more gauche and awkward by treating me with a kindness that seemed reserved for stupidity.
Sunny and Nikita. Nikita and Sunny. The thought pounded in my head incessantly, and I unclenched my hand from around the railing, realizing that I had been literally squeezing the unyielding steel. The scene swam before my eyes in slow motion – their languid kiss, arms entwined – and I felt the urgent need to retch. I forced myself to move, and my unsteady steps took me on their own to my room. I turned the key in the keyhole with trembling fingers, my whole body cold and clammy. I sank gratefully onto my bed, letting my books slide down into an untidy sprawl, and closed my eyes. The scene returned with a vengeance – I could feel their breath on each other, the warmth of their hands, the closeness….I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I rushed to the bathroom, and splashed some cold water on my face. Ah! That felt so much better! I splashed some more, my hot tears mingling and cooling. I wiped my face, and returned to the haven of my bed.
The cold evening sun slanted into the room, offering an insipid warmth. I gazed outside, worn out and weary. My tears had all dried up, my body felt ravaged by the racking sobs that had filled the room earlier, and a dull ache settled around my temples. As I got up and stretched, the first pangs of hunger began to timidly surface. The mundane practicalities of life needed addressing. As I brought my arms down, my hand brushed against Nikita’s bookshelf, and a small black book fell down with a thud. Loose sheafs of paper scattered on the floor, and I bent down quickly to collect them. As I glanced at each sheet to see if there was any order of the papers, I noticed the strange writing and drawings. Drawn against my will by a suddenly insatiable curiosity, I began reading the contents.
****
I woke up with a start, a sense of urgency pounding through my body.
“I need to tell Sunny – I need to find him and let him know!” That was my first thought. I glanced across the room to where Nikita lay on her bed. She was all curled up, her comforter drawn around her like a cocoon. Swiftly and silently, I got ready and slipped out. Outside the room, I inhaled. The early morning air stung my eyes and filled my lungs with the optimism of a new day. Compared to the past few days, I felt surprisingly alert and calm. My goal was clear – I only needed to work on the how.
I knew Sunny went for an early morning jog; I knew the path he took. Precious little nuggets of information that had filled my empty hours - gathering them, savouring them, delicacies for my hungry soul and fodder for my fantasies. I wasted no time in making my way across the lawn to the park located around the bend behind the set of large grey buildings, propelled by the urgency that had woken me up that morning. I hurried on, head bent, arms clasped tightly before me to preserve my body warmth, fervently hoping I would find him receptive to what I had to reveal.
My heart sank as I rounded the corner – he was not in his usual spot! I had not counted on this setback to my well-laid and rehearsed plans. My eyes scanned the park feverishly, hoping against hope that I would see the familiar figure. I suddenly became aware that my mouth was parched and licked my lips nervously.
“Please God!”, I prayed. “Please, make him show up today!”
Not knowing what else to do, I began warming up for my own jog, feeling sick in the stomach.
“Please God!”, I screamed inwardly. “Please! Don’t do this to me, I can’t take this any more!”. I bit my lips, trying to stifle the sob that escaped.
Just then, I saw Sunny appear. The relief that flooded me made me a little dizzy, and I began walking rapidly towards him. He was oblivious to my presence as he bent down to tie an errant lace.
“Sunny! I need to talk to you!” It was hard to keep my voice normal, but I managed.
He straightened up at once, and a puzzled look came over him. I could have kicked myself. Of course he would look puzzled! He didn’t even know who I was! I cursed myself for my obvious stupidity.
“Er…”
“I’m…”
We both started together, and then stopped. He gestured for me to go ahead.
“I’m sorry, springing on you like this so early in the day!”, I apologized. “I’m Maya, Nikita’s room-mate”.
“Oh!” His puzzlement seemed to clear briefly and then cloud over his face again. “I don’t remember having met you ever?”
“Yes, we haven’t met before. I needed to speak to you rather urgently…,” my voice trailed hesitantly. I noticed for the first time how drawn and tired his face looked, the stubble clearly older than just a day. The twinkle in his eyes was faint, and his lips looked pale. Nikita was taking her toll.
“OK”, he shrugged, after a moment’s pause. “What did you want to speak about?”
“It’s about Nikita,” I swallowed hard. This was going to be tougher than I thought. A look of concern reflected in his eyes.
“Nikita? Is she ok? Anything wrong?”
“No. Nothing’s wrong with her…” Oh my God! I thought, rather desperately. How am I goiing do this?
“It’s…it’s…about her…I don’t know how to say this…”
“Look, will this take long? Maybe you can join me for breakfast later and tell me?” He was getting a little impatient, but was still being polite about it.
“No!” I replied vehemently. I wanted it over then and there.
“Then can we hurry it up a bit? I’m getting quite late!”, he indicated his watch.
“OK!” I took a deep breath. “You might not believe what I have to say, but I had to tell you. Have you ever felt any different after you started going out with Nikita?”
“Why?” His voice was sharp.
“Tell me,” I persisted. “Do you feel tired all the time, and kind of listless? Does nothing move you or excite you like it used to earlier?”
“Hmmm….” He was still skeptical, but I could see that I had set him thinking.
“Have you ever noticed that all the guys Nikita has gone out with end up like just shadows of themselves, in some sort of stupor?” I continued, my voice growing stronger with conviction. “Have you ever wondered why they never have gotten out of it and back to their normal selves?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Sunny was obviously getting irritated. “I think you’re a little crazy, coming out here so early in the morning to talk about Nikita’s ex-boyfriends! I’m sorry, but I have better things to do!”
He made as if to go, but I grabbed his arm, a little amazed at my own temerity.
“Sunny! No, don’t leave! Listen to me! It’s your life at stake here!”
He looked down at my hand holding his arm, as if it were some sort of disagreeable insect. “Let go of me!”
“Sunny! Please listen to me! If you value your life, leave Nikita!”
“What nonsense are you talking?” He was really furious now, but I was past caring.
“Sunny! You have to believe me! I’ve seen it all – I’ve read her diary – Sunny…. She’s sucking out your soul….that’s what she does….that’s what she’s done before too…Sunny, you have to believe me..” The words tumbled out like unruly cascades, swirling into dangerous whirlpools
I paused, and took a deep breath, before uttering those dreaded words.
“Sunny, Nikita’s a witch!”
The silence that followed hung between us like a thick veil, till he burst out.
“I don’t know why you’re doing this. All I know is that it’s despicable! Don’t ever try talking to me again!”
Sunny stomped off angrily and I watched his receding back, emotions churning within me. What had I done? What had I expected? That he would welcome such a revelation? That he would ditch Nikita and welcome me into his embrace? I thought I had been very smart. How incredibly stupid and foolish I had been. I thought I was heroic and brave, trying to save his life. Instead I had put my own life at jeopardy. What would Nikita do when she found out that I knew?
A shiver that had nothing to do with the chill morning air, ran down my spine.
*****
It was well past noon when I finally came back into my room. I had wandered about the whole morning, like a boat adrift on stormy seas. The scene with Sunny kept replaying in front of my eyes, and I could not believe that I had been so incredibly stupid. I had been so intent on playing the heroine and saving Sunny’s life, it had never even crossed my mind that he would react the way he did. In hindsight, it was so completely stupid of me to have expected anything else.
“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”, I cursed myself, as I kicked a rather sharp stone out of my way, stubbing my toe in the process, and wincing in pain. It was all I could do to stop myself from banging my head against the nearest wall in utter frustration. Not only had I screwed up bad with Sunny, but now I had to face Nikita. I explored several options to evade her unsuccessfully. The horrors documented in the little black book rose up like haunting ghouls, and a sweaty fear pervaded me. She was a witch – with powers to do me great harm. What chance did I stand against her?
My heart thumping, my mouth dry, and my stomach sick with fear, I quietly opened my room, half-expecting Nikita to be standing there with her eyes flashing. There was no one. The room was empty. Her side of the room was, as usual, neat and tidy. Nothing out of place. I went in and sank into my bed, a sense of relief flooding me. Maybe, a heartening thought occurred to me, she was worried too, now that her secret was out. Maybe she was thinking of upping and leaving! That highly unlikely notion somehow cheered me up, even though I knew that I was clutching on to straws. Exhausted, I lay down and almost immediately fell into an uneasy slumber. Terrible, bloody visions played havoc with my distraught brain, and I tossed and turned feverishly.
Nikita’s demoniac face had come close to mine.
“So, you want Sunny for yourself, do you?” She leered at me, her vampire breath on my skin. I was gasping for breath, her hold on my throat slowly and inexorably tightening. I screamed soundlessly, and awoke with a start, my body bathed in sweat, my hands trembling. I looked around, fearful that Nikita would pounce on me from the shadows. But the afternoon sun streamed warm and gentle into the room, flooding it with a clear, white light. I got up slowly and made my way to the bathroom, where I weakly splashed some cold water on my face.
As I wiped my face with the towel, I became aware of her presence in the room, the hair on the back of my neck prickling. Nikita was standing in the center, in black jeans, a black pullover, and black shoes, with her hair severely drawn back into a pony tail. Her unswerving gaze was fixed upon me, and it felt like Death itself was standing before me.
“So you know,” she said in a low voice.
My throat suddenly became very dry, and I couldn’t speak . I simply nodded, warily watching her.
“Since when?” She was moving towards me.
“Don’t come forward!” My voice came out surprisingly strong, as I backed away from her, holding my arms protectively in front of me.
“Since when?” She repeated, relentlessly and menacingly advancing.
“Stop! Don’t come…!” I was panting now, my fears mounting crazily. I backed away again, but was stopped short by the wall.
“Don’t…”, I was having difficulty breathing, as I flattened myself against the wall.
She lunged at me, and knocked me down in one fluid movement. I kicked wildly, flailing my arms and legs, managing to catch her on the knee. She dropped to the ground, and threw herself against me, pinning me to the ground on my stomach. She sat on me, pulling my arms back till I cried out in pain, and I could see the glint of a knife in her hands. I cried aloud as she sliced off my right thumb, and closed my eyes tightly, cringing with fear at the next inevitable step.
After what seemed an eternity, I realized that she had let go of me. My arms were numb and my thumb was bleeding profusely. As I slowly tried to rise, I heard a low incantation.
Blood and blood shall mingle
And let the thunder fall.
No heart will remain single.
When she hears our call.
There seemed to be a flash of lightning outside our window, and a dull roll of thunder seemed to sound far away in the heavens. I looked down at my thumb – it was only a cut, slightly deep.
Nikita was smiling at me, and held out a glass of what looked like red wine.
“Welcome, Maya! Welcome to the sisterhood of Enchanted Love!”
She laughed at my bewildered look.
“Only those who are destined to join us stumble upon our truth! You’re one of us, Maya, you’re one of us!”
*****
“I can’t imagine what guys see in her! She just uses them and throws them like disposable tissues!”
I smiled as I overheard the whispered conversation at the library, and bestowed a mind-blowing kiss on my adoring escort for the benefit of my audience.
*****
