A Tragic and Spicy Love Story

It was a little past midnight, and the house was so quiet that you could hear a pin-drop. That is, if you were awake. That night, however, everyone was asleep. Even the Moon, who was sulking because the Sun had made fun of her dieting habits – “You diet and diet till you almost vanish, and then grow fat again by going on a binge! What’s the whole point?” – shut off all her lights and sat morosely in the dark.

Well, if you’ve got the point that it was a very dark and silent night, then I shall proceed.

Things, however, were not so quiet in the spice cupboard. There was a hushed sort of excitement, building up slowly. Word had gotten around that Grandma Sauce was finally going to tell them another story. In her heydays, Grandma Sauce was bright and cheery and had painted the town red, but now, she was really old, and quietly retired in her corner. No one quite knew her age, and when she spoke through her scaly, dry lips, her voice was hoarse and thick. Her stories were really very exciting, and every one waited for them impatiently, as they were quite rare.

“I liked the one about the Salad and the Lobster – you know the one where the Lobster blushed because it saw the Salad dressing!” Turmeric winked at Cumin. He was a jolly fellow and a born flirt, he didn’t mind it when the other spices sometimes teased him – Yellow! Yellow! Dirty Fellow!

“Ooh! Yes! I liked that one too!” Cumin’s thin frame trembled with excitement. She was so in love with Turmeric, she would have agreed to anything he said.

“Humph!” snorted Chilli. He was a red-faced, fiery-tempered guy, and the other spices steered clear of him. He too loved Grandma Sauce’s stories, but didn’t like to admit it. He preferred the image of nasty guy!

Mustard, a little round fellow, who had unfortunately fallen in love with Cumin, stayed quiet. He knew better than to get into such arguments. He had a fiery temper too, but never showed it unless provoked. He wondered what Cumin saw in Turmeric and heaved a melancholy sigh.

“Shhh!” Citrous gave a caustic look to everyone. “Can’t you see Grandma Sauce is beginning to stir? Keep quiet now!”

Grandma Sauce coughed, a deep phlegmy cough. You could see that it was getting to be a strain for her to even talk.

“Good evening, everyone! How are you all doing? Ready for my story?”

“Yes! Yes!” All the spices chorused eagerly.

“Ok. Now let’s see, which one shall I tell you?” Grandma Sauce pondered, while the spices fidgeted impatiently.

“Have I ever told you the most Tragic Tale of Salt and Pepper?” she asked.

“No! No! Please tell us!” The spices chorused once again.

“Very well, then!” Grandma Sauce settled down, and was quiet for so long that Turmeric whispered to Cumin, “Do you think I should wake her up?” Cumin gave him a nervous smile in reply, wishing she knew what he wanted the answer to be.

“Ahem!” Grandma Sauce cleared her throat once more, and all spices sat up, alert.

“Once upon a time, there were two great families. The family of Sugar and the family of Spice. Now the Sugar family was a pure-bred family, which could trace its lineage back to nobility for several centuries. The Spice family, on the other hand, was a family of mixed breed. They dealt with several businesses, so they had many mixed marriages. When they became successful, they made many enemies,. These powerful enemies referred to them as a Masala family contemptously, and sought to destroy them many times. However, the Spice family stood united and strong. The chief of their enemies was the Sugar family. They vowed to wipe each other out, and could never be in each other’s presence without a clash. The hatred and mistrust ran deep on both sides.

Now, Sugar’s wife had fallen in love with a rank outsider, and had had an affair, out of which was begotten a child. The whole affair was hushed up by the Sugar family, as it would have brought great disgrace to them. The little child was named Salt. She looked pretty much like others of the Sugar family, fair and white. She had great compassion in her heart, which made the others overlook her rather troublesome habit of dissolving into tears whenever anyone cried. As she grew older, she grew prettier and prettier, and many a fair suitor came forward to marry her. None of them excited her, however, and she turned them all away.

One day, Salt slipped outside her vast and lonely mansion, and went for a little walk across the table. As she hopped along, she was suddenly swept off her feet and dumped unceremoniously to the ground! She looked around, shaken and angry, ready to give the person responsible a piece of her mind!

“Oops! Sorry, lady! Did you get hurt?” A gravelly voice made her turn around, and that was how she met Pepper. A spirited lad with a round face, in the midst of a rambunctious game with his cousins, Pepper gave her a broad and bewitching smile, as he helped her up.

“Er… thanks!” Salt smiled at him, her heart melting at the sight of him.

“My pleasure!” Pepper kissed her hand, and as she walked away quickly, he sighed! He had fallen in love!

Salt oscillated between agony and ecstasy the following days. She tried to catch a glimpse of Pepper from her high window, and sometimes swore she could see him looking up. Pepper meanwhile, lost no time in making enquiries about Salt. And that was how, one night, when Salt was getting ready to go to bed, there was a low rattle at her window.

“I wonder what that is? Oh! I forgot to close the window,” she thought, and as she reached out to draw the window in, she was startled by the sight of Pepper! In a trice, Pepper had jumped lightly in, clasping her waist with one hand, and covering her open mouth with the other , to muffle her scream of astonishment.

“It’s….it’s you!”, Salt was breathless when he finally uncovered her mouth.

“Yes, it’s me alright!”, Pepper was still holding her close, and licked the salt off his lips.

“What on earth are you doing here?!”, Salt asked, excited and at the same time, very nervous.

“Nice place you have!” Pepper had let her go and was looking around.

“First, answer me! What are you doing here?”, Salt pretended to get a little angry, even though her heart was thumping wildly at having her dreams answered in such an unexpected manner.

“Oh! I came to see you!” Pepper was nonchalant.

“And why may I ask?” Salt was trying to work up her fury.

Pepper drew her to him, and Salt trembled at his touch.

“What do you think?” he answered in a low voice, and Salt could hardly breathe, as they drew closer into a kiss.

“Salt! Salt! Are you OK? I thought I heard some noise?” It was her mother, knocking on the door.

“I’m fine, Mom!” Salt panicked, frantically gesturing Pepper to leave. “I’m fine!”

And so it was that the young lovers met secretly and surreptiously, their love blossoming like flowers touched by the sun. They were oblivious to the dark clouds gathering on the horizon, the thunderstorm that threatened to uproot their very existence.”

Grandma Sauce paused dramatically, her audience spellbound in rapt attention.

“And then the storm broke one day! Salt’s half-brother found her with Pepper near the kitchen sink. The news spread like wildfire through both the families. It was grim news indeed, and they began preparing for an all-out war. The atmosphere was so tense that you could have plucked on it like the strings of a guitar. It was sun-down when the face-off took place.

“Tell your son to take his filthy hands off my daughter!” Sugar shouted to Spice.

“Your daughter is the one who’s filthy! She’s the one who seduced my son!” Spice yelled back.

“How dare you insult my daughter?” Sugar was enraged.

“Do you expect me to sit quiet while you insult our entire family?” Spice was furious.

“You are asking for trouble, Spice!” Sugar warned.

“Go back quietly if you don’t want your entire clan wiped out!” retorted Spice.

“Attack!” shouted Sugar to his men.

“Attack!” shouted Spice to his men.

“Wait!”

Two voices in unison cut through the noise. Sugar and Spice looked down, and were dismayed at what they saw.

Salt and Pepper were standing at the edge of the saucepan, in which soup slowly simmered.

“Father! Back off, I beg you! If you attack, we will both jump into the soup!” Pepper implored.

“My daughter!” Sugar’s wife rushed to the edge of the shelf, shouting hysterically. “Salt! Don’t do anything drastic!”

“Sugar! Save her! Save her for my sake!” she cried, as Sugar stood stoically.

“Son! Don’t be foolish! Don’t throw away your life for that silly girl’s sake!” Spice tried to reason with his son.

“Pepper and I love each other!” declared Salt. “At least for our sake, why don’t you end this terrible enmity?”

“I’d rather be killed in the fight against him than forgive him!” Sugar swore bitterly.

“You forgiving me?! I would rather die before that!” Spice shot back.

“If that’s your final answer, then we know what to do!” Pepper said calmly, and looked at Salt, who nodded.

“Nooooooooo!” shouted Sugar and Spice in unison, but they were too late.

They watched with horror as Salt and Pepper jumped into the simmering soup, first dotting the soup ripples with little black and white flecks, and then slowly dissolving into nothingness.”

Grandma Sauce sunk into a deep reverie, as a disbelieving and sorrowful hush descended upon her audience. She roused herself just enough to say, “And that, my dears, is the Tragic Tale of Salt and Pepper”.

Author’s note: The soup that day tasted extra delicious. Upon enquiry, it was found that the addition of salt and pepper had enhanced its taste greatly. A tradition born so tragically continues to this day!